Happy Holidays!

I want it to feel like Christmas, but what with all the hurrying up and getting ready to travel tomorrow, I just feel... well, weird. It's been an odd year, and odd season and pretty much nothing is what I thought it would be this time last year. Not that I made any huge plans and laid out how my life would be, but I did have hopes and a few expectations. At the very least, I have learned that I am not in control of most things. And even a few I thought I had my hand on have slipped through my fingers and all I can do now is tread water and wait for the next wave. I have certainly been forced to take a good long look at what I want NOW, not 5 years from now. I know that I have to make choices, commitments that may be painful but are necessary for me to live true to my spirit. I have been hit with an intense awareness of just how fragile life is. I have lost many people in my life, but for whatever reason, the two friends that passed this year had a greater, more profound effect on me. I now, in the most literal way, "get" that I could easily not be here tomorrow. I am working toward letting go of things like worrying about the future, because the present is all I need concern myself with. Just being in the now, and not losing sleep over what might be down the road. That is a huge task for someone who inherited a wonderful talent for obsessively worrying - about myself, my kid, my family, friends, work, the dog, the planet, whatever. My prayer for Christmas is, that I can face 2010 with a lighter load, with patience, with a clearer mind and with optimism and joy.