Letting go of control

I own a arts & crafts studio where our mission is to help you find, free and bring out your creative side, to learn a new skill, to express yourself without judgement. I see children do it and I marvel at how they just draw, unabashedly and I want that for myself. As an artist, I struggle not to judge my own expression, my own art, even as I make it. My challenge is to truly express myself without expectation of the end result and on some magical occasions, I do it. And it’s beautiful. Most often, though, I think it through, I plan it out, I sketch it, then I draw or paint or create it. And much of the time it comes out exactly as I’d pictured it. Likely because I don’t let it flow, I “control” it. ;)

One night at the studio, we were having a workshop in collage, and I decided to work with an old, thinning and worn piece of framed out wood. I am not sure even where it came from, it was just sitting there, discarded and it called out to me. I began tearing pieces of paper off and applying layers of paint and just when I felt it was “freely” going somewhere I liked and I had a rhythm, my 8 year old son stepped over and asked “Can I help?” (He had been hanging out while class took place and previous to this moment had no interest in participating).

I looked around at the faces of the women and men who were there; people I was trying to model spontaneous, unstructured creativity to. Sometimes when my son asks if he can paint with me on a piece I am working on, I say yes. If it is a painting that is from a sketch, and super detailed, I say “not this one, honey” and I offer him some paper and paint. In fact, I often encourage him to paint with me. But this piece, I was (I thought) ‘in flow’ and for a split second I was about to say “no”, to protect this piece of art, so that I could get out of it what I thought I wanted. Then I realized I would be doing the very thing that stifles pure creativity. So I said “Sure, sweetie, go ahead. Here is a paint brush, here is some glue, what would you like to add”? He promptly picked up the brush, dipped it into white paint and painted almost entirely over an area that I had seen as “done”.

I smiled and let go. He continued, then I joined in and it was fun and I released all my expectations and then he said “Okay, thanks, Mom, I’m done”, and walked away. I added a line drawing of a dandelion, something that reminds me of him, and put it away to dry. It is hanging in my hallway and I love it. It has pieces of both of us and we both signed it.

©2010 M Kyle Hollingsworth