Today:
It's been a month full of big, juicy, LIFE. Both of my sisters were here, one after the other, visiting. This is something I have wanted for a very long time. Two parties, outings, art, talking til late at night and now, preparing for Family Camp - our week-long adventure in the Santa Cruz mountains.

Pictures of me and my sisters... Grateful to have them both in my life.

 July 12:
Genuinely excited and grateful just to simply wake up this morning. Such JOY in the gratitude I am feeling now. Wonderful to have a chat with a dear friend, share in the excitement of a big adventure her kid is up to, delighted to know my sister and kids will be here in a little over 8 hours. Loving everyone and everything that's around me, whatever it is. Everything feels like more than enough, including me. Wishing I could share this feeling with everyone - I supposed posting about it is my way for the moment.

July 11:
What a peaceful thought to know that right now I am all I ever need be. Me - and my life are perfect and whole and valuable now. I need do nothing other than breathe. It's truth for each and every one of us. Your gift is your love and presence in this world and with each breathe, each smile, each tiny kindness, you are deeply affecting the vibration of the entire planet.
Pretty cool.

July 10:
Isn't it nice to know that you have everything you need right now, in this moment? Isn't it nice to be able to just be present to the wonder of being alive? Try this: Stop what you are doing and just...intentionally and for no reason at all... SMILE Doesn't it feel GOOD to be able to do that simple little thing? If it feels that good to you, imagine what everyone gets out of your smiling.
It's all a gift.

The weekend was full and rich. My heart was heavy from changing the dynamic of a beautiful relationship, and I chose to process all that I was feeling through painting and taking good care of both myself and my home. I spent Saturday at a painting retreat with Rassouli and community and it was GOOD. I noticed that for the first couple of hours I was distracted and not able to flow, then a particular piece of music came on and it all shifted. I was able to really dive into my painting and feel it, get lost in it. Very cathartic.

I was so inspired that I spent the following day, Sunday, cleaning out my studio and setting it up so that I can, at a moment's notice, just walk out, grab my brush and paint. I am going to do that now.....

I have spent countless hours of my life thinking, "What is my purpose? What am I here for? What is the big, amazing thing I can do and give to the world that will give my life real meaning and positively affect the lives of others?" Many of us spend our lives waiting to find our "purpose," or waiting to start really living our lives until we figure it out.

Small adjustments, little shifts, moments of heart-opening, sunrise walks, meditation, listening to our powerful, intuitive inner voice, stillness, laughter, singing, dancing, loving and listening. Here's to understanding that whatever we are doing right now -- whoever we are with, whatever we are giving our energy to -- IS OUR LIFE'S PURPOSE. It need not be bigger or smaller than that. This right here and right now is what it's all about. :)


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Last night I was alone. I knew it was coming and yet it felt that suddenly I was just here, in my house, at 7pm with nothing planned. My son was away with his dad, and my work day was over. I had this big, open, empty Friday night in front of me and I felt a drive to fill it up with something - a party, friends, dancing, singing, getting out there and doing something BIG. In the end I realized what I really wanted was hot yoga and sleep.

It was a perfect night and therein is my lesson: I need not make anything big out of anything. I can find true peace and contentment in little things and I can trust that they are enough. My purpose is to be ME and to be present to whatever I am doing, whoever is in front of me. My purpose is Right Now.


:)

Today I woke up feeling grateful. I do that a lot, but today in particular I was beautifully aware that all is well in my life at the moment and I have nothing to want for, really. I am healthy, I have a good job, I am strong, aware and safe. I just spent an awesome night of chess, sushi and a movie with the most amazing boy I know, and today, I work, then pack to get away to a spa for the weekend with one of my best friends. What more could I want?

I have been painting like mad... it's all I can think of most days lately. It's like a dam has burst and I want to just create - create - create. :)

Had an amazing weekend. Really a dream. Friday night was kirtan at Rising Lotus yoga with Daniel Stewart and friends - incredible. Saturday all day painting retreat (the 3 paintings I did below) then Saturday night an art opening and dinner, Sunday choir and watching a Second City performance with my son, now, quiet, stillness for the afternoon and tonight - a movie with the kiddo and our pup... just PERFECT!

Transference

Water Play

Orbital Sunset

OK, let's steer this ship back towards creativity, spirituality and awareness. I am going to be doing an all day (10am - 5pm) painting retreat this Saturday and I could not be more excited. I need it. Want it. To unplug, de-stress, dive into my creative brain and just swim for a while. It'll do me good.

I feel as though I have been in "survival mode" for the past few weeks, and haven't been able to fully embrace my own heart and spirit. The details of each day, decisions to make, money and work matters have taken up my energy and I feel the disconnect. I want to be a light for others and right now, my own light must be re-lit. And so it is. I will be back.