Releasing & Forgiving

I looked back and realized how many posts were about food, juicing, health. I am pleased to say I have released some of the harsh demands I was placing on myself and decided to "go with the flow" of my own body and mind. I have still been committed to juicing every day and after a time, have now found a way to get exercise into my day with ease and find more balance. Letting myself off the hook and lightening up a bit around the super high expectations I place on myself has been a gift. I devote March to more self-awareness and to looking further within. That is where my answers are, where I find my home and true peace.

Days 41-42

Juiced all day yesterday, felt great. Had a few kale chips in between. Then last night went out to dinner and had LOBSTER. Not gonna lie, it was amazing. Back to mean green this a.m. and juicing all day today. Will hit the gym, sweat a bit, and juice on.

Days 36-40

I have been pretty loose, meaning, I have had wine, I have eaten sushi, and overall am still juicing all day, eating one meal... however, I have bloated up about 8 lbs and it must be salt, the alcohol and the fact that I had to stop going to the intense spin classes I'd been doing. New job doesn't allow the time, sadly. So, I am hoping I can get my ass in gear to kick up the workouts and get more streamlined on the juice again....day by day. Day by day...

Days 33-35

Well, tonight I am feeling sad, teary and struggling with a LOT of guilt and self-defeat. Nothing huge has happened, I just keep eating - one meal a day, the rest is juice. I know that sounds okay but I WANT to juice only... I want to get back to the 100% commitment I felt only a week ago. I am not sure what is holding me back. I just started a new (big) job, I just ended a relationship and I am feeling isolated and unmotivated. I need something... and it's probably inside of me, I just can't find it right now.... hoping tomorrow I will feel clearer.

DAY 32

Today is like a new day one, but I will keep counting since this is my journey. I ate for the past several days and with the support of my two dear friends and a renewed sense of purpose, I am starting a 2 week fast. My intention will be to come off, have the holiday, then resume again through Christmas. Go, juice!

DAYS THIRTY & THIRTY ONE

Some juicing, mostly food. Now, after talking with two dear fiends, am starting anew for 2 weeks. Starting again.... tomorrow

DAY TWENTY NINE

Drank some wine last night... knowing full well it would mean two things: 1) I feel like shit this a.m. and 2) I regret it.

Today feels like a restart for me... I will keep tallying days, as this IS a journey, but I am feeling like I need a renewed commitment from and to myself.

GIVE ME FOCUS - GIVE ME STRENGTH

DAY TWENTY EIGHT

Mean green for Halloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAY TWENTY SEVEN

Back to juice today... well, 90% juice and 10% food, but planning to stay that way now through the holiday. Broth, a bite of avocado here and there is what I am talking about. I feel good, refocused and ready to go!

DAY TWENTY SIX

Went to food/juice combo today. Feeling relieved and already wanting to plan my next juice fast. I am going to stick to juice and food (half and half) for now, and review how I feel in a few days.....

Update: I am second guessing my choice now... at 7pm at night. Feeling I jumped ship too soon and now thinking I am going to get back on juice tomorrow... funny, maybe it took this to trigger me back to my path. Hmmm.....

DAYS TWENTY FOUR AND TWENTY FIVE

Really done fine, but really been struggling.... I am nearing 30 days and now thinking I may take a break. Mentally, I am feeling really frustrated. I am about to start a new job and I feel I MIGHT go to juice 1-2x day and 1-2 meals per day for a while, then back on after Thanksgiving. Giving that some thought tonight......

DAY TWENTY THREE

I am focused today, feeling solid.... good. This is a PROCESS and I am staying in the space of forgiveness of myself for not being perfect and honoring myself for coming this far. I juiced this a.m. then went to a spin class, now home and resting, juicing, working. Feeling GOOD and looking forward to a big weekend!

DAY TWENTY TWO

Focused again today. So far, mean green, coconut water, water, carrot/orange and a shot of wheatgrass. That and an hour long cardio/weights workout. Yeah, baby!!!!!

back on track.....

DAY TWENTY ONE

Today has been tough and I know it's because I haven't been drinking enough, will juice more, post more later....Caved and had a few bites of food... now feeling better. Wish I hadn't but not gonna freak out/beat myself up. Must keep moving forward....no guilt.. damnit.

DAY TWENTY

Well, A few weeks ago, this seemed like forever... and here I am. I feel like I am in a groove now. Planning to go for 30, then likely go on until a few days before Thanksgiving - go raw, then have a bit of food on the day, then maybe back to fasting or half and half. I am noticing how much better overall I feel with LESS in my body. Less junk/dead/useless food that is.

Woke up at 6:30am today, went for a fast walk/jog, then home to make mean green. Feeling GOOD!!!

DAY NINETEEN

Today I woke up with a bit of a headache, made some Mean Green and added VitaForce AND Life's Balance plant protein powder. Did an hour long spin class and got through it... wow, was it tough. I noticed a lot of cramping in my left foot (same thing happened last time, too) and I wonder if it is potassium related. Feeling good overall and noticing that I am getting a groove to the juicing thing. It's a bit of a no brainer now. :)

Update:
I have been HIGH as a kite all day... high from fasting. Like, seriously buzzing in my body, can't use the energy up. I DID go to spin class, then jogging, the cleaning, on and on and I still have energy... bizarre and VERY cool :)

DAY EIGHTEEN

Just writing now, at almost 8pm. It's been a good day, had about 80 oz of juice today. Not sure why I am noticing how much but I am. I am drinking a mean green right now. My weight is up a lb and that's okay. I am going to keep pushing ahead and not worry about that. No work out today, just too tired. I slept, took it easy, went to choir, now relaxing and about to make some ginger/lemon tea.

DAY SEVENTEEN

Feeling good today. Inspired a couple of friends to start, and that feels good. Feeling like 30 days will be a piece of cake now, and that's also good. Off to run, more later.

Not feeling great. Hungry, weak and nauseous. I am going to try to take a nap and hope I awake feeling better.

Better now, no nap, got busy but rode it out. Having some tomatoe/basil/cilantro/kale/carrot/garlic/celery juice right now. With turmeric and cayenne.... intense, but good :)

Heading out to an event with food and wine, dreading that part....

DAY SIXTEEN

Woke up feeling fine this morning, though still upset stomach. Guess I gotta ride it out. Drinking mean green with some orange and chia seeds added and then going to the gym. Push, push, push! :)

Update -- Since this a.m., I have felt FANTASTIC today... I mean, BUZZING with energy. I met a very cool woman today named Laura at Whole Foods. She cured her sclerosis/scleroderma with juicing and raw foods, knows Joe Cross and has worked with him, and has started a company with her friends with a product they created called "Life Force" and I got some today to try. She was full of knowledge and so much pep! She told me she's been vegan/raw for 6 years and she is a bright picture of health. So motivating! Her facebook page is http://www.facebook.com/dynamicsofnature

YAY!

DAY FIFTEEN

Woke up and juiced this a.m. and got super nauseas. Only drank half then had a half cup of decaf. I have all but stopped coffee of any kind but it just felt like I somehow needed it. Went for a power walk and now home. Slight headache. Amazed that it's been 2 weeks and still going. I am tired today. What I am noticing is that I get a burst of energy sometimes then I get super tired... weird. Not steady or consistent, but in waves....

Felt pretty bad today, just in terms of energy level. Had none for most of the day. Lots of diarrhea for the past few days and tonight, I broke down and had a LITTLE food. Squash, asparagus, tiny bites of avocado. Feel much better, and going right back to juicing, as well as getting a colonic.

I will see this through.